Victoria Secret Models and My Very Bad Day

Tonight, the twitter sphere is blowing up with anti Victoria Secret jabs and pro Proverbs 31 thrusts because the Victoria Secret fashion show is airing. I usually avoid adding my opinion about controversial topics to the plethora of them already on the Internet, but this is an area in which God has been working on my heart recently so I thought I'd dust off the ole keyboard and give it a go.

First, let's rewind about six days to last Wednesday (12-4-13). It's the day of the Wesley Christmas Banquet. For those of you who have no idea what that means, Wesley is a campus ministry and each Christmas they have a banquet when all the college students lose the leggings and sweatpants and get real spiffed up in semi-formal attire. I had grabbed a few old dresses from home over Thanksgiving and didn't think a thing about it. Tuesday night I tried on my old dresses (We are talking one is from ninth grade homecoming - 6 years ago) and they just didn't look so flattering anymore. In comes the self-consciousness. Out comes the car keys. It's the afternoon of the banquet and I'm off to find a dress. I succeeded, but here's the deal: I had already let those insecurities take hold; and I was not strong enough to talk to myself and tell myself the truths that God has in His word because I hadn't been reading the bible everyday.

I got ready with two friends and noticed that all of us had plenty of compliments for each other and plenty of negative thing to say about ourselves:

 "Ugh, I hate my hair!" "Oh no you look beautiful!" 

"I look so bad in this dress" "Girl, you're rockin' it!" 

"Man I need a tan!" "Look at my skin. Yours looks great!" 

Have you ever been here before ladies? Always comparing.

I finished getting ready while the girlfriends I got dressed with left for the party and my smile with them. You see, all day long I had struggled with selfishness and anger. All week long if I'm being honest. You know those weeks when no one understands you and everyone on is out to get you? Yep. That was me last week. The truth? I am sinful and I wasn't stopping to confess my sin, but kept plowing through my week and pretending like I wasn't leaving a disaster behind me. I stuck each earring in, placed my necklace around my neck, tucked a few strands of hairs away and plastered the smile back onto my face.

When I arrived at the party, compliments were aplenty, but none of them pleased me. My attitude was sour despite the fake smile on my face. I was finding constant fault in those closest to me, despite their kindness to me. As I stood at the banquet with my makeup flawless, my beautiful new dress on, and my boyfriend by my side, I felt like the ugliest person on the planet. And at that moment I realized just how true the verse is "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain" (Proverbs 31:30a) I looked around me and saw a hundred people who were completely deceived by my beautiful outside. It didn't matter how pretty I looked, I felt miserable. God was not fooled though. He dealt with me that night like no other. As the song says, I was "sweetly broken, wholly surrendered."

According to Twitter: Proverbs 31 is the opposite of Victoria Secret Angel. I think this is false. As my boyfriend said  tonight, "It is...a false dichotomy to say Proverbs 31 women and [Victoria Secret] models are against each other." I agree completely. They are not opposites so why are we treating them like they are? Let's each check our own hearts. I learned the other night whether I am dressed my best, in a long skirt and baggy turtle neck, or a Victoria Secret model, what really matters is where my heart is.

Stop and check you own heart. Are you concerned about those models' salvation? Or are you just wanting guys to remember to look at your heart, 'cause goodness knows your legs don't look like that! I think we need to do a double take.. because as much as my 5"1' body is a contrast to a Victoria Secret Model's... my heart is just as far from a Proverbs 31 woman's. We claim the standard; we shout to the men to look at the hearts not our outsides, but do we know what we are asking for? Is our pride blinding us? Let's all remember, "They heart is deceitful about all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). Be careful what you ask for. Let's not fool ourselves into thinking that our hearts are pretty.

David Platt recently encouraged me through one of his sermons when he reminded women not to be discouraged by the Proverbs 31 woman who is not a real woman, but a standard. I failed to honor God last week because I hadn't put on the full armor. I did not pick up my Sword. I did not have his word hidden in my heart that I might not sin against Him. There is good news though! We can look to the Proverbs 31 woman. We can look to Christ! Let's strive together to be holy.  Let's put on the breastplate of righteousness and praise God for washing us white and seeing us as clean. 

Thank you, Father, for seeing me as clean.

"Create in me a clean heart, Oh God"

Psalm 51:10a

Biblical Wisdom for Adoption

1Hope ministries, whom I served with in South Africa, posted on their blog today about the importance of thinking biblically about adoption. They included this link to John Piper's blog. It is a short article with some well-thought-out and scripturally-backed-up disavowals and affirmations regarding adoption. A great article to take a moment to read!

I have been reading "Follow me" by David Platt. In the first few chapters (I'm in the middle of the second one), he has painted a vivid picture of adoption. He points out that the child does not look for the parents, but the parents seek out the child. The child does not come to the parents, instead the parents go and rescue the child. In the same way, if you are a believer, your heavenly Father has sought you; he has paid for you; he has rescued you. He has made you part of His family and will come to bring you home someday. 1 Thessalonians 1:4 says, "For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you,.." I love that. He has CHOSEN you. It was not an accident. It was not forced. You were not the only one left. He WANTS you! How sweet it is to know that the Father loves us. Let's rejoice together, marvel in his grace and mercy, and enjoy the fragrance of his love.

The Death of Death

Tonight I teared up as I read this post. It is by Clint Archer, a pastor in Durban, South Africa- a country very dear to my heart. He shares the story of a wreck that killed 24 people 10 miles from him. I am familiar with the crazy habits of taxis who cram 15-20 people into them. In this wreck a truck's breaks didn't work and it demolished a taxi full of unsuspecting people. Archer also shares two videos of the wreck. I watched them more than once, stunned by how quickly a life can end. We don't ever think that will be us. If I am honest with myself, I picture a long life ahead of me, and then I die in my sleep at 90-something. But we are not guaranteed that, nor does Christ ever hint that that is the goal in life.

Pastor Archer points out that it is good to sometimes dwell on the inescapability of death, quoting Ecclesiastes 7:2-4. He is right. We all need to remember that death can come at anytime. It will spur us on to live our lives to the fullest now. It will also fill us with an urgency to share the gospel with our the unbelievers around us right now! Let us not forget, the time is short!

As I let the shortness of life spur me on to good works, I also am meditating on the truth that once and for all Christ has defeated death.

Isaiah 25:8-9

He will swallow up death for all time,

And the Lord God will wipe tears away from all faces,

And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth;

For the Lord has spoken.

9 

And it will be said in that day,

“Behold, this is our God for whom we have waited that He might save us.

This is the Lord for whom we have waited;

Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation.”

Praise God for undeserved salvation! Praise God that we can look forward to eternity with Him! Praise God that death has lost its sting and sin has lost its power! 

Reflections

Tonight I wrote a few paragraphs about my time in Pretoria to send to the Drews as one of my final projects for the internship. It made me reflect and choose what some of the biggest lessons I learned there were, although it did not take long for me to think of them since I don't think a day has passed when I have not thought of my time in Africa. Today is two months since I arrived home. It feels like an eternity and it feels like yesterday all in one.

A few nights ago, in the women's bible study I go to with my church here in Russellville, we were discussing hope. I started tearing up as I thought about my babies in South Africa. They are such a beautiful, earthly picture of the spiritual hope we are given in Christ. They were rescued from dark pasts and dark futures. God saved them while they were helpless and before they asked for help. Hasn't he done the same for me? The new environment has changed them, too. In the two months I spent at the baby home I saw them transform. I'm so thankful that God is constantly transforming me. I can't wait until he returns and brings me home! Let's praise Him for the hope he has given us! 

"My hope is build on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness."

Just an update

Well, I arrived home one week ago tonight. I haven't meant to leave you all hanging, but I've kind of hit the ground running here at home. Life is as busy in Arkansas as it is humid :) I'd like to share not only my trip, but my post trip with those who want to know about it. Processing two months in South Africa is something that is going to take time and won't be done in one sitting - I'm convinced of that!

Even though I'm glad to be home, I definitely am missing the brothers, sisters, and babies that I left behind. One major thing I'm dealing with right now is just that life goes on. Life goes on in South Africa without me. Life went on here in Arkansas while I was gone; and it continues now that I'm back. I feel like I'm planet hopping. I have a world that no on here knows or can know. I have friends, stories, and experiences that no one here can know or understand. I learned and loved things that I want people to know, but they can't. I want people to be able to touch, taste, and smell my other world, but no matter how detailed I am... they just weren't there. Nobody here will think my babies are as cute as I do, that the jokes are as funny as I do, or the people are as wonderful as I do. I'm right back where I started the trip saying, "It's just you and me God. Help that to be enough for me."

At times, I know He is enough. Other times feel much lonelier. Sometimes I feel like I ended up in the wrong planet. In the end, I know that contentedness is called for. God has called me to this place at this moment. I'm excited to know that and be convinced of it. I can be excited about being home now and about school soon because I know that God used Africa and my family there to prepare me for a time such as this. I know that there are opportunities to serve, love, and share the gospel each day... I just have to look for them the same way I did in Africa. My future may be uncertain. I may not know where I'll be in a few years or in a lot of years, but I know that for now He has called me to Little Rock, Arkansas and he has good works prepared for me here. I know that my God is one that can be trusted. He loves me so much and if I am faithful He will use me. So that's what I'll do! Right now is it time to keep on keepin' on  :)

Some of the family I left behind:

The Drews

Living Hope Church

Some of the Macks, Sarah (now home in Switzerland), and Britt

Some of the Family I came home to: 

My Biological family :)

Blake, Me, Chanley, and Luke - My best friends and biggest encouragers

Blake - the BF (picture from the airport when I got home)

Team work! Two is better than one.

This week has been a heaping scoop of crazy and more than a few dashes of busy. There is a team here from my home church, The Bible Church of Little Rock. Four adult leaders and eleven young adults are here to helping out for 9 days.

Andre and Pastor Josh have been leading them around Africa and partnering with other pastors and churches to meet their needs. Saturday they were here at the Home with us, Sunday we had church, and Monday and Tuesday they were in Standerton. Standerton is a shanty town. We are friends with Pastor James who is serving faithfully there. He makes $5 a month to feed his family of 6. They can't afford to send their kids to school because they can't buy uniforms. Despite this, Pastor James faithfully preaches the true gospel, rather than a prosperity gospel which is thriving and would bring home more money. He is always smiling; and he helps to feed the orphans in the area and tutor them after school. The team blessed him by coming along side him and helping enable him to continue in the ministry he is already doing. They spent Wednesday at the Home, helping with projects and playing with my babies.

On Thursday, Britt - the other intern here with me - and I were able to go with the team to Pilanesburg again. It was an eventful trip!! In the first 30 minutes one of our cars was charged by an elephant! Praise the Lord that that mad momma stopped before running all the way into it! Then, at lunch a monkey jumped over the deck and stole some of Britt's chips (French fries)!!!

This weekend the team is going to two more townships to help out pastors and churches there. I'm so thankful that they are here partnering with these churches to help enable them to serve more effectively.

On Sunday I will leave on the same flight as the team to go home. I'm both sad and excited at the same time.  I really don't want to leave my babies or my new friends. Two months is so short and I feel like I'm at the point where I really have some great relationships here that I hate to leave as they are just blossoming. However, the Lord has taught me so much here and I know that He has changed me. I can't wait to see what opportunites he will give me to apply everything to life back home!

"Home is the nicest word there is." - Laura Ingalls Wilder

The first time I stepped foot into the baby home I was greeted by a silly, enthusiastic laugh. I laughed back and he laughed again; and so the game began. The Boss was the first face I saw. He has an infectious smile and gives really great hugs. His heart can be so tender at times; if one of his friends is crying he will find their comfort item (bottle, dummy, etc) and bring it to them. He gets so distressed and flustered if one of his friends is crying and will go to them and try to comfort them. The Boss loves music and dancing. He also really loves his Daddy! This guy's dad comes to church most weeks to visit him. His daddy loves him very much and wants to take good care of him. After weeks and weeks of waiting, the court has finally signed the papers to let him go home to his dad! Today was very bittersweet for me. Sweet because I know this guy will be so happy with his Dad and bitter because I will miss him so much! He has a hard road ahead of him adjusting to a new life. Pray for this little guy!

 I've now seen three babies come into the home and one leave. I'm thankful that I could see a happy reunion while I was here. I'm praying God holds and keeps my baby no matter where he is.

The Sands of Time

The hour glass keeps running and there is no way to stop it. I can hardly believe that I will be leaving Africa in a week and a half! Before I came two months seemed so long. When I arrived, I didn't understand why everyone I met kept saying, "Only two months?! So short!" I wanted to say back "Short? Are you kidding me? Two months away from home and the people I care about?" I thought they were crazy. Now I know that I was the crazy one! The time has flown by and it just won't stop. I'm excited to go home and see all the people I love and miss... but I am sad to be leaving behind so many people I love and will miss as well. I have to say that the latter is the stronger feeling right now; but shhh! Don't tell my mom ;)

My time in Africa has changed me - just as everyone told me it would. It has changed my relationship with God, with my boyfriend, with my friends; it has changed how I view adoption, ministry/mission, culture/races, the church, poverty/wealth, violence, and discipleship; it has renewed my passion and desire for God and ministry at home. I wasn't on the bandwagon before coming, but this African sun has definitely gotten under my skin!

Although I am heart-broken to see the end of this African road, my heart is strengthened to know that each day that stretches out in front of me is planned by God. I know that my time here was fruitful. I was able to serve and fulfill a need here, to love on God's orphans, to seek to encourage and serve His Servants, and to meet some brothers and sisters I didn't know before. I'm not checking out for this last week and half! I'm just reflecting and pulling up my boot straps to go hard and finish strong! Please pray for strength as I am just starting to get weary with the busy schedule of July - but also praise God for sustaining me this far! Pray for health as my headaches are getting stronger - but also praise Him for teaching me so much through the headaches! Pray that I will seek God with all my heart and soul, and that I would give my everything to our family in Africa until He says it is time to go.

Thank you for everyone who has been supporting me in prayer! I love you all!

Sarah and I in our uniforms :)

Tiny Love

Oh happy day!! We got a brand new baby boy at the home yesterday! He  is 15 days old and weighs 3 kilos!! I think he is just darling :) We now have 7 babies at the home!! You can only say so much about an infant since they don't really have any favorite games yet or say anything super cute! :) A picture is worth a thousands words though so I think I can make up for my lack of creativity real fast!

With Heather

Fuzzy hair!

With Auntie Jeanne!

Sooo cute!!

Sleeping :)

A Confession and An Appeal

I've been wanting to write this specific blog post for a while, but I haven't known what to say. I kept thinking that I needed inspiration; I needed to say the perfect thing; I needed to convince someone of what I'm about to ask! But, our Faithful God has used the time that I have put this off to work in my sinful and prideful heart. You see, the baby home is in desperate need of new interns! Starting August 2nd there will be no more female interns here. The baby home cannot run without them! That means that they will have to hire on more full time caregivers which they simply don't have the money to do. Interns save the baby home $800 a month! Everyone here is trusting God to provide for the need however he sees fit.

I wanted to write a post to be the one who convinced someone to come. Sure I had good motives mixed in there - I know that this has changed my life and will change the life of anyone else who comes here. I want that for my friends so badly I don't know how to put it into words!! I want them to learn from the church here and the missionaries.  I want them to see this beautiful country and get to hug on my precious, family-less babies. I want them to taste Milo (my favorite drink here), to see the tin huts my friends live in, and to feel Africa's sun on their faces. I want the baby home's needs filled. I want help for the people here who selflessly and tirelessly (even though they ARE tired!) give up their own wants, desires, and needs every minute of every day!

But even in all these good desires, I was seeking the glory of being used. I don't need that anymore. Now I know that God doesn't need me to work. He chooses to use me and bless me.  It isn't about me and I know now that God won't call the whole world to come to this ministry. You aren't a bad person for not coming here. He has a plan for your life and that might NOT include coming here. But I also know it might. So I'm writing this with a humbled heart that is trusting God with the care of His orphans and children. I'm not trusting my own writing; I'm not going to tweak this word and that word until it sounds appealing and makes you want to come change nappies every day. But, I am going to cover this blog post and each eye that reads it in prayer. I am going to ask you to talk to the God who I am putting my trust in and see if He would have you come and serve here.

There is a need! A great need! I know He will provide in the way that brings Himself the most glory. Please consider coming here! Once someone decides to come, they will have a great need financially - consider giving towards that need. And as much as anything, please join us in prayer for God's provision!
`
From Heather Drew:
"Interns must be committed followers of Christ, servant-hearted and flexible, 18 years old or older (healthy older saints are welcome as well!(: ), fluent in English, and must raise their own support.
The purpose of these internships is 1) keep down the costs of running the baby home, 2) keep our caretaker to baby ratio low and our standards of care high, 3) the internship has the potential to be genuinely life-changing and fondly memorable for those who intern with us. If you are interested in learning more about our internships, please contact Donovan Drew at donovan@1hope4africa.com."

Also, feel free to email me with any questions about my experience: claimag05@gmail.com

Pilanesburg

I have to be honest with you... I don't think that words or pictures can justify the experience of Pilanesburg National Park! This past Monday all the interns had a day off of work to go to the game reserve.. it was fantastic!!

If you are one of my American friends reading this: Go back to elementary when you are learning about elephants and lions, learning their sounds, habitats, and food. You look at pictures in books when you are three and point, "Mommy lion! Rawr!!" When you are older you might write a small report or two about these animals in Africa. You look at pictures and dream you'll see them but who really thinks they will ever be 10 feet away from a real Rhinoceros? Not me! But, I was!! It was an absolute dream to drive around and see these animals out in the wild!! I kept a record of everything we saw: Hippopotamus, baboon, grey duiker, steenbok, impala, grey heron, kudu, wildebeest, giraffe, waterbuck, wild tortoise, warthog (Sarah called these Razorbacks! Pig Sooie!!), Elephant, Mongoose, Lion, Tsessebe.. a lot of awesome birds, and a dust tornado! :)

I'm sure anyone who knows me will find this hard to believe, but everyone with me was constantly having to hush me because I was so excited that I kept yelling when I saw animals. I thought maybe we would drive around and see something every now and then, but it was so crazy!! We saw animals literally ALL DAY LONG! CONSTANTLY! They were just there eating, drinking, hanging out.. seriously!! God was so kind to let us see lions which is not a given at all! Oh man ya'll... it was an awesome experience!! I'm so thankful for the diversity and beauty of God's creation! For the African sunrise and plains, the wild animals, the vibrantly colored birds (Seriously.. I've never seen such colors on birds before!) and beautiful water. When you are out there seeing what I saw, your heart can't help but overflow with love and awe for the God who loves us!  Here's some pics; Praise the Creative Creator with me as you look at them!

I took this picture because it says "Five Roses" and "Rooibos." Here's one fun fact about South Africa: people always offer you coffee (instant usually), and tea. But for tea they always ask "Five Roses or Rooibos?" It's the two most popular kinds here!

These are cool birds nests found everywhere. They build them in a special way where they hang from the branch and the entrance is in the bottom so predators can't get in!

Africa is perrrty!

The lovely Britt :)

It's me!

And it's zebras!

I've never known it til now.. but this is totally the animal they
modeled the beast from Beauty and the Beast after!

Just hanging out right there in the road :)

Fat hippos laying by the water.

Warthog! It's pumbaa!!

They were sooo close to us!

My favorite!!

Majestic!

Sharks vs. Blue Bulls

From the first week I stepped onto South African soil I knew that Rugby was a big deal.. and I knew I was about to be in the middle of a big rivalry! I'm staying in Pretoria, home of the Blue Bulls (colors: blue), and I'm living with a Durbanite, supporter of the Sharks (colors: black, grey, white). How was this going to end well??

My first week here we went to Andre and Karlene's house (Living Hope and 1Hope team members) for fellowship and I learned some of the rules of Rugby. I also watched Invictus and got a few more lessons. Then Saturday rolled around! All the stops were pulled out to be sure we girls knew what was going on! Britt, Sarah, Vinson (not a girl. haha), and I crowded around the computer for some YouTube educational videos. I think I'm pretty much an expert now!

 It felt so much like a fall football day! I came out in the morning dressed in all blue and asked what time the game was "Get back inside and change right now young lady! You will not go out in public like that!" Donovan told me.. I'm tell you - this is serious stuff! So I knew right away, inters are for the Sharks.. and we embraced it :) We wore black and grey from head to toe! At 14:30 about 25 friends arrived for the braii - just a south African barbecue. We ate Boerewors - A delicious South African sausage that is traditionally eaten before or at Rugby games - and rolls, and tried some South African chips and cokes. Excitement was in the air! There were 2 blue bulls fans at the braii and all the jokes and jibes were hilarious!

Me, Sarah, Britt

Hanging out around the grill

Food and fellowship

Friends :)

Before..

..and after! Just cut off a slice of this and stick it in a roll! Yum!!

Finally it was time to go! The game was one of the coolest experiences ever! I got super into it.. as we were walking to the stadium I thought I would just join in the camaraderie so I shout "Go Sharks!" at some sharks fans. They smiled and looked slightly confused - then I remembered my American accent that follows me everywhere. Oh well!

At the game, we were literally sitting on the edges of our seats because we were so excited! When the sharks ran out you would have thought that I had been a sharks fan for my whole life from the way I screamed! It was so exciting and fun! That atmosphere was contagious. We cheered and at Biltong for the next 80 minutes + half time. Biltong is a delicous snack that is kind of like beef jerky. but way better because I don't like jerky and i LOVE this stuff! Unfortuantely, America isn't a fan of me bringing any home :(

Sarah and I

The guy in the yellow shoes who is about to get the ball had an identical twin on the Sharks team!

I loved the line-out! [See.. i know terminology! (: ]

The scrum

This wasn't taken from our seats and it was taken before everyone was in the stadium so the seats weren't full yet.. but they were by the time the game started!

Hello :)

The game was super intense. In the end, the Sharks barely lost (20-19, I think). Rugby is now one of my favorite sports :)